It is the year of the Rooster, so dance like there’s no one watching, love like you’ll never get hurt, sing like there’s nobody listening, and pound a two-six on a messy wedding party dance floor like your liver is some sort of alien parasite feeding off your life force and can only be destroyed through a nightmare-grade off-brand grain alcohol hangover.
The Mona Lisa is a brilliant painting because it captures the moment before a smile. There is a rumour of happiness beginning to form in her lips, even though it’s a painting and the smile will never actually arrive. Art historians have referred to this effect as “the uncatchable smile”.
This photograph has a similar quality. Looking at her face, you can almost tell what she’s feeling and what she’s thinking. In fact, if you stare just long enough it becomes abundantly clear that she’s about to freak the fuck out.
Because I’m old as dirt, I can tell you that the people this dickbutt is “paying homage” to wouldn’t care for him one bit. The coolest guy on the hill back in the ‘80s wasn’t Mr. Stretchy Pants with a zinced up nose, because that guy could actually ski. Guys in the ‘80s who dressed like this were always TERRIBLE skiers who had a need for speed. They were always smoking hash off of tinfoil with a half-cut bleach bottle and were completely soaked after the first run because denim is absorbent and they would eat shit CONSTANTLY. Those were the salad years. This guy probably likes Father John Misty.
There’s a thing on YouTube called the hat challenge where millennials throw hats onto each other’s heads. Because it’s the internet, the hat throws have predictably become more and more elaborate over time. This particular hat was thrown from the caboose of a passing train, as it went over a bridge approximately 400 meters above where hipster Indiana Jones is standing. The hat did not land on his head.
I vote hard no on tankers in the Georgia Strait and flaccid yes on mustard-coloured Speedos.
“Alright man, let’s take a picture with the thing you love most.”
“Hmm, okay. What about the thing you love the second most?”