In Your Mouth with David Stansfield
David began his wine career as a teenage cellar hand 20 years ago. Today, he works as an independent sommelier and is a co-host of the popular Sunday School wine school. When not ruminating on the grape, his interests include spy novels, escape rooms, contact juggling, Slovenian design, and beer.
Here’s a fun fact: John Harvey Kellogg invented Corn Flakes to supress masturbation. He thought clean eating could stifle the urge for self-pollution, which is no fun at all. Health and fun are often at odds. You pay for one with the other.
People call Vancouver No Fun City. It seems harsh, but they may be right. Vancouver reveres health. In Vancouver, exercise is fun and fun is exercise. We are the Gwyneth Paltrow of fun. Goop City. Beautiful, but bland.
It makes sense then that Goop is setting up in Nordstrom for a summer pop-up. According to the Georgia Straight, “the Goop team has curated nut milk makers,” among other things. Fun!
From the air, Vancouver earns its reputation as one of the most attractive cities in the world. Its natural beauty stuns. On the ground, however, it’s missing something. Our glass walls lack holes.
Toronto, on the other hand, is riddled with them. It’s pockmarked with fun places to eat and drink. It is an ugly city, and more fun because of it. Toronto is cheap ice cream to Vancouver’s fancy yogurt.
The good Doctor Kellogg was a big fan of yogurt by the way. In fact, he enjoyed daily yogurt enemas. So much for self-pollution. I think it’s fair to say that the dude had a thing for breakfast.
Jameson Irish Whiskey
$6.50/1oz or $9.75/2oz at the Narrow
Vancouver does have some good drinking holes. The Narrow is one. It’s a dark place. Every time I pass under their red light I end up waking up on a couch, like a dead man revived, surprised, desperate for my keys, phone, wallet, memories.
To be honest, I never remember what happens at the Narrow, but I’m sure it’s good, clean fun.
Pelmeni Poutine Dumplings
$10 at Hey, Dumplings!
I’ve got an idea for a book. It’s called Get Stuffed: Stuffed Foods of the World. Samosas, Jamaican patties, pierogis, potstickers, pizza pops: the best. Every culture has one.
But what constitutes stuffed? Is a pita stuffed, or a turkey? I say no, no they are not. I demand sealed edges. Burritos are out. Chimichangas in.
There’s a woman in Chinatown making pelmeni (Russia’s stuffed food) in the pop-up where the Pie Shoppe used to be. Like most pop-ups, I’ve not been, but I love the idea.
$11/gram at various dispensaries
My hippie neighbor likes strong weed. I’m less sure. Unless we’re going to a movie. Then I want to get super blitzed and sit in the dark laughing at Vin Diesel while mashing handfuls of popcorn into my mouth area.
Weed is fun. That’s nice to remember in the rush to make marijuana medicine. Smoking dope makes a lot of sick people better. It does the same for movies.
A strong Sativa like Laughing Buddha works well. It’s potent enough for two-plus hours of The Rock with no paranoia so you can handle the whole ticket, lobby, snack counter situation.
Just remember to practice your snack order before getting high (one Kids Combo with a Coke and a cup for water, please) to avoid the ire of an unimpressed teenager in a visor and polo who just knows, man.